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I Hate People


I hate people

I used to always say that

As a kid, as a teenager, as a college student, as an adultโ€ฆ

Those that knew me best always heard something along the lines of "I can't stand that *****"

I ONLY watched cartoons for yearsssss, because I hated people. My family will attest ๐Ÿ˜‚

I hated people becauseโ€ฆ

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated feeling small and like I didn't matter

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated feeling like everyone was out to hurt me

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated feeling like I couldn't trust anyone

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated believing vulnerability always leads to disappointment

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated feeling like no one listened to me

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated feeling like no one had my back

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพI hated that people just didn't do what I said

๐Ÿ‘Ž๐ŸพMostly, I hated feeling like I couldn't be myself

So I defaulted to the thought that I hate people and truly believed it

๐Ÿ™„I didn't go out to meet new people because duh "I hate people"

๐Ÿ™„I didn't try new activities because "I hate people"

๐Ÿ™„I didn't put myself out there for new opportunities because "I hate people"

๐Ÿ™„I didn't do anything outside of my comfort zone because "I hate people"

๐Ÿ™„It was muscle memory. I didn't even think about it, it just became default

I created a detached experience with not only the people around me but also myself only because I believed I hated people and kept repeating that story over and over again making it that much easier to believe๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿคฏ

Thought work taught me how to process what I feel